The scary Mario theory!!!

Have you ever wondered why Mario is such a fucking jerk? And why Donkey Kong is so cool? Well, it's just a theory*, but I think I know the truth. Donkey Kong is actually a human, and vise versa. Here's the story: Donkey kong was a super cool sceintist, and he was experimenting with Mario. The reason Mario was named Mario was because his moustache kinda looked like the human Marios. Now, you may be thinking

How could he be inspired by the human Mario, if human Mario doesn't even exist?

And to you I say FUCK YOU I'VE PROVEN THIS IN EVERY WAY I'M RIGHT, OKAY???????????? So, Donkey Kong used a machine to turn Mario into a human. But the reason why Donkey Kong didn't press the button 'Turn human back to monkey' when he saw how ugly Mario looked, was that he actually did. But since Mario hadn't been made 100% human, he climbed up on the zapper that should turn him human and swung it towards poor Donkey Kong. So now Donkey Kong was a dumb ape. Then another sceintist came in and saw the ugly Mario. So he threw Mario out in the trash. There, princess toadstool saw him and thought he was kinda cute (Don't ask me why) so she took him with her to the mushroom kingdom. Oh, and btw, Luigi was made with the machine too.
a*Not actually a theory. It's real.